Magic words

[PonoBill]

I never have the proper comeback to a slight--I'm a writer, not an orator. I usually think of the right thing to say about fifteen minutes too late. But yesterday I had one of those rare moments when the right words came. I tried to relate it to Randy in the lineup this morning, and didn't get it right!! I'm sure he thought "big deal".

I was in Kahalui Harbor. My plan was to paddle out to Pier One, but when I got to the mouth of the harbor the wind was right in my face. I saw a few SUP guys out there, but the waves didn't look great, and the prospect of a half mile paddle into 15 knot winds was too daunting. So I went back in to play in the little harbor waves. When I got to the middle lineup a guy on a longboard said "hey, no f***in stand up pukes here". Normally I'd either ignore him or say something lame, but a little red puff went off in my brain and I laid into him.

I said:
You know, I never get any grief from good surfers, or Hawaiians, or people in challenging waves. It's just you old haole guys that are mediocre surfers, wobbling around in little baby surf, with what's left of your hair in a ponytail that I hear anything from. Any real waterman is willing to try anything, and any real surfer doesn't care how someone else dresses, or what they think, or what board they choose to ride. It's just you grumpy old farts that are afraid to look like a kook on something new that want to tell other people what they can and can't do.

He said:
I don't care what you do, but those boards are dangerous. You should learn to surf first. You guys don't respect the lineup and the culture.

I said:
Are you shitting me, this board is six inches longer than yours. You're on a epoxy popup built from windsurf technology. I don't see you on a sixteen foot koa plank, as if you could actually surf one.

And that was that. He snorted and paddled away. I watched him paddle for and miss three out of every five waves, sitting right in the middle of the sweet spot. I pulled inside, caught leftovers and got almost every wave I went for.   I doubt my diplomacy created a convert, but it sure felt good.

[downwindaddiction]

Got to love it. A smile and proper intelligent response gets them every time. Just a quick reality check letting them know that I'm digging my life.  It sucks for him to be in a permanent downer every time he gets in the water and see's one of us in the line up. Maybe he will choose to do something else after a while. 

[Lobes]

Good work Bill. You can only play the diplomat and indulge the idiots so much.

[Pureadrenalin]

Ponobill nice going. I wish I met up with you when I was learning to surf shortboards back when I was a teenager. My bad experience was an old fire man dropped in on me with a boogie board and he blamed me because I was not being courteous by letting him on the wave. So when I kicked out and began paddling out he approached me and dunked me under water and held me under for a bit. He was in his 40's and I was about 13 yrs old. Till this day I await my meeting this guy and believe me it wont be nice.

[Deb]

I also heard from another sup surfer that Saturday had a not-friendly group at the Harbor. Hopefully this coming week will provide lots of surf spots so we can all spread out.

[steamroller]

he approached me and dunked me under water and held me under for a bit. He was in his 40's and I was about 13 yrs old. Till this day I await my meeting this guy and believe me it wont be nice.

i think we met the SAME GUY!!... that same thing happenned to me when i was a kid at threes!!!...

then i hit the gym...HARD ...and the ring and the mats and for two years from 16 -17yrs old i searched threes all the time looking for him because i had heard that was his regular spot...he and i are BOTH lucky i never found um...
 

[Tom]

Bob, I'm just thankful that you and I did not become that ponytailed longboarder.

[PonoBill]

So my reason for posting this is not to incite, but to lay some magic words on you. I think inferring that a good surfer wouldn't give me any grief is magic words. It sure took the air out of that guy. "Baby waves" yanked an ego plug too. I think the ponytail bit was a bridge too far. Almost anyone other than an elite few think their surfing is not up to snuff. If I were saying it again I'd say:

"The only people I ever get grief from is mediocre surfers wobbling around in baby waves. Why do you think it's okay for you to tell me what surfboard I can use?"

I'm saving that one for when my mind goes blank--which is a bit too often.