Can someone explain my wife to me please?

[Rockbottom]

I'm doing better on my eating, drinking a lot less beer, save for this  weekend we went to a wedding In Charleston with phenomenal low country seafood and a top shelf open bar.    However, the next morning, I put In 5 quality miles of running around downtown Charleston despite my aversion to running ( Battery park is beautiful In the early am BTW).   I'm losing weight, and getting In  better shape.     However, my wife still seems to find a way to throw negativity my way; questioning my food choices and motives.     She is currently In  marathon training and   Doing pretty well In her own right.   I bought my shoes at the store that she frequents, and give her props both to her, and her friends and family.   
       It's not like she berates  me, just seems to find an opening and pitch In a handful of negativiy.    Oh  well.   The longer I'm married, the thicker my skin, and the harder my hearing gets!    And women wonder why we have selective hearing; it's a survival technique!
        Forgive my rant, she's a good woman.  I'm getting faster both on the water and on land.    Feels pretty good!

[balance_fit]

 She is currently In  marathon training

This explains it all....if she were just sup'ing...

[ObviousSup]

 She is currently In  marathon training

This explains it all....if she were just sup'ing...

So she won't be able to criticize when she is swimming and trying to get back on the board? Or so you will be so far ahead you won't hear it?

[pdxmike]

Hang in there and she'll either give up, or better yet will get mad enough to give you the silent treatment (which they view as punishment  ).

[Strand Leper]

Perhaps it is a latent competitiveness.  Or rather a passive competitiveness.

My wife's negativity is usually directed at my driving... Well found I must say.  As a 23 year vet of this marriage, I usually simply say, "thanks for the very helpful,driving tips honey.". As one might guess, it is said accepted and rejoined in a sarcastic tone (with love of course) and usually serves to break any tension.

Good luck.  See also the episode of king of queens where Doug loses weight... Maybe some of that going on.

In any event, she respects you for what you are doing even though it might not always come through.

Tim

[spookini]

Explained.

(Just substitute "surf forecast" for "wind forecast")....

[PonoBill]

Any guy who tells you that they understand women is either crazy, stupid, or lying. But it's a lot like quantum physics--you can do useful manipulations even if what's going on is incomprehensible.

I've come to the realization that the apparent issue is rarely the real issue. That whole toilet seat thing for example--pure nonsense, it's just to keep us off balance.

You might try a simple behavior modification approach. When she says something even a tiny bit cutting say something like "Is this part of your plan to demotivate me". And when she says "What??" you just say "it's working", and then go completely mum. Do that over and over whenever she says something even the tiniest bit negative. She'll either stop doing it or she'll cut your throat while you sleep. Either way, your troubles will be over.

You can also use chocolate. Give her a little when she's good. Don't when she's not. With a little patience and practice you can get her to hop around on one foot if you like.

[balance_fit]

 She is currently In  marathon training

This explains it all....if she were just sup'ing...

So she won't be able to criticize when she is swimming and trying to get back on the board? Or so you will be so far ahead you won't hear it?

  not at all !!  by no means i mean to suggest those things !

Marathon training places the athlete into a very interesting state of mind. The long distance training, which i, as a former runner, now question if it's truly fun or not, places the athlete into a state of chronic glycogen depletion which may affect mood, plus, if you add the constant aching joints, the unending quest for a perfect body weight, the hormonal immbalances resulting when a female goes under a certain body fat percentage, among possibly other reasons, may be contributing to her 'negativity state'.

Suggesting sup'ing as cross training for running may help you both by taking her from the asphalt to the water, allowing for maybe, a break in her training and much needed rest, and change the perspective of things just enough that she might get to understand your point of view and loosen up.

Good luck !

[pdxmike]

Marathon training places the athlete into a very interesting state of mind. The long distance training, which i, as a former runner, now question if it's truly fun or not, places the athlete into a state of chronic glycogen depletion which may affect mood, plus, if you add the constant aching joints, the unending quest for a perfect body weight, the hormonal immbalances resulting when a female goes under a certain body fat percentage, among possibly other reasons, may be contributing to her 'negativity state'.

Balance_fit--that's really true.  I went to a talk by a sports nutritionist who's also an endurance athlete.  She said on her long group bike rides, someone inevitably gets cranky, and everyone else immediately hands them a candy bar, which always works.  It's not a male or female thing, either.

[balance_fit]

Marathon training places the athlete into a very interesting state of mind. The long distance training, which i, as a former runner, now question if it's truly fun or not, places the athlete into a state of chronic glycogen depletion which may affect mood, plus, if you add the constant aching joints, the unending quest for a perfect body weight, the hormonal immbalances resulting when a female goes under a certain body fat percentage, among possibly other reasons, may be contributing to her 'negativity state'.

Balance_fit--that's really true.  I went to a talk by a sports nutritionist who's also an endurance athlete.  She said on her long group bike rides, someone inevitably gets cranky, and everyone else immediately hands them a candy bar, which always works.  It's not a male or female thing, either.

True indeed pdxmike, during endurance exercise, crankiness could be a symptom of acute glycogen depletion that can be solved nutritionally on the fly.

I believe our friend 'Rockbottom' is referring to a chronic state of moodiness on her part instead.

Seems that, from what he writes, his wife is under a very high mileage training phase and, being very motivated to achieve her goal in the marathon, leanness is at a very high priority. Without noticing it, she might be 'nutritionally compromised' but in a chronic state, something that can't be resolved on the fly and might require medical attention.

There's a medical condition in female endurance athletes called the 'Female ahtlete triad'. It involves disordered eating, menstrual issues and low bone density.
Please review this website for more info: http://www.femaleathletetriad.org/for-athletes-coaches/what-is-the-triad/

I do suspect that rockbottom issue with his wife, if not a usual behavior of her, might be associated with the above mentioned condition.

Or... may just be that her perception of leanness is way different to his...he might just be still having a few too many beers...

[PonoBill]

Like I said--chocolate.

[upwinder]

...I'm losing weight, and getting In  better shape.     However, my wife still seems to find a way to throw negativity my way...

I'm sure you're a very handsome man Rock. This could be Mrs Rock's oblique way of keeping a few pounds on you by demotivating you from your fitness regime...making it seem "all too hard to get it right". The extra pounds make you look well-fed and cared for and therefore subliminally less 'interesting' to other women.  

Sometimes they're so sneaky even they don't realise they're doing it  

(whenever I start shaping up too much Mrs Upwind starts baking like a demon...you don't get a body like mine without cake.)

[pdxmike]

I think we're getting women pretty much figured out.  We can get a few more posts with some additional insights, then maybe start thinking about putting it in a book--The Standupzone Guide to Women. 

[ObviousSup]

...I'm losing weight, and getting In  better shape.     However, my wife still seems to find a way to throw negativity my way...

I'm sure you're a very handsome man Rock. This could be Mrs Rock's oblique way of keeping a few pounds on you by demotivating you from your fitness regime...making it seem "all too hard to get it right". The extra pounds make you look well-fed and cared for and therefore subliminally less 'interesting' to other women.  

Sometimes they're so sneaky even they don't realise they're doing it  

(whenever I start shaping up too much Mrs Upwind starts baking like a demon...you don't get a body like mine without cake.)

I am sorry I am not the only one with that problem. Ever since I started back to school for retraining (on the job shoulder injury) and picked up a board to get in better shape my girlfiend has been pushing deserts my way. Trying to convince her I would need to drop 40lbs before there was any reason to worry hasn't worked so far.

[Rockbottom]

Got it!  Next time she gets snippy I'll give here a piece of chocolate and ask her if it's her time of the month. 
        In All seriousness, she's really awesome most of the time and quite even tempered.    She's lost 30+  LBS over the last few months while In training and is apparently at a plateau.    I'm not allowed to know or ask too much, but she looks great!
      I'm making mostly better choices on my eating, for example, while on our way back from Charleson I had the Mahi Reuben and a side salad when I really wanted the River City burger and fries that has about 1000 more calories, while the wife had the pesto burger.   During the bears game last night at a local sports bar ( she gave me the thumbs up to go btw)  I opted for the 6 oz ribeye sandwich w/o the bun,  with steamed veggies on the side over the loaded nachos that I wanted.  Instead of swilling countless Miller Lites  as I used to do, I chose to sip the IPA on tap and had but 3 of them for the entire game.   That will be the extent of my beer consumption till the lions play the Packers on Thanksgiving!
       I may have slipped up In not telling her that I was bringing my running gear to Charleston.  She Ran 10 miles on Sat, saying she would be In no condition to run Sunday morning after her friend's wedding.   She made a couple of remarks about  me running w/o her as I was putting my shoes on Sunday morning,  even though she  never runs 2 consecutive days.  Sigh
     She shot down my idea of us running together, using the baby jogger as interval training.   There may be something to the resentment theory, as she is a lifelong runner, and I haven't run In  2 years, but after only a few weeks of getting serious about getting In shape, can run consecutive sub 9:30 miles, about a minute per mile slower than she can. 
      My wife is really awesome, I just wish I knew what to say, or better yet, when to keep my mouth shut!