At what age did you, or do you plan to retire?

[TallDude]

Sorry to hear Ichabod. Hang in there. Your kids are precious, and they are all different. As you well know, the social thing is really brutal for teens and pre-teens. My kids are in music, and there are quite a few mildly autistic kids in music. They all do great and find their social niche. In my opinion, don't hide or try to 'Home School' protect them. All kids, no matter what perceived deficit someone thinks they have, need to realize life is not fair. They need to experience independence away from their parents.
As far as a job goes, I'd look at it like an opportunity for a positive change. A friend of mine was a high school science teacher. He hated the babysitting. He started a landscaping company and did that for 15 years. When the economy bottomed out, he went back to teaching. He loves it now. I say keep your part time teaching gig, and experience something completely different. Maybe something with the city?
I've been self-employed my entire life, so I'm out of a job with every project I finish. Some are a year long, some are a week long. There are gaps, but somehow the phone has always rang and a new opportunity has presented itself.     

[Zooport]

I had assumed my own situation to be pretty safe until last spring. My own position at my school was under attack by a new administration that decided I wasn't right for the school anymore. (After lots of positive media coverage for my programs and 12 years. Go figure.) After a withering campaign against me, I was reduced to a part-time employee. It was stressful to the extreme. I briefly had a nervous breakdown, and it's clear I'm not wanted anymore at my school.

Job hunting hasn't worked well. I've gotten some very near misses for jobs, so I know something will come eventually, but my salary will surely go down considerably. It already has with the reduction in hours, and it's not going back up anytime soon.

I don't want even to teach much anymore. I don't know if it's just my situation, or it's combined with the public attacks on teachers and public education over the last decade or so. I'm burnt out. There's little joy in sharing my love with kids these days.

This has been a tough year. My son had to go to a mental hospital for a couple of weeks a while back. My daughter's been having serious social issues and might be diagnosed with mild autism. Then there was this shit with me. I have to stay within the system to get my pension. I've got 15 years in, and I need 20 to get something significant. After that, I don't know. This is one of those strange times in my life where things seem up in the air. At least if I get another job in New York State public education, I'm still contributing to my pension even if my salary is reduced. I would love to retire and get my pension. At 20 years I'd be 55, and that's not a terrible place to move on.

Dude, you got more than your share of bad stuff.  Thoughts and prayers are with you. 

[PonoBill]

Sorry to hear all that Ichabod. I have a different view on autism and neurological differences than some folks might. With all my social and behavioural oddities I'm not just sympathetic, I consider them to be normal, since it's normal for me. I wonder what's wrong with all the rest of you. Your daughter can and will learn to fake social connections. all the autistic, asperger, ADD, etc. people I know (I know LOTS of them) do just fine. Most are very successful by any measure. They don't get distracted by social bullshit, and faking the lightweight social stuff is easy and takes little time. There are many people who think I'm an extrovert, which is simply hilarious. My friends know better, and they all know I'm a little nuts.

Your success in your job was probably a threat to the new administrator. In the advertising business a new VP of advertising meant the client was going away, and the better our performance was, the faster that happened. It's hard to believe people are that petty, but people who want to be administrators, want the job for the control, and control means success has to be attributed to the administrator. Legacy relationships are a liability. Every VP of Sales I ever hired wanted to fire my most successful salespeople. I fired them instead.

Sounds like it's time for a career change, though you're probably interested in keeping that pension. But looking forward you should realize that some pensions may not be funded. Ditching teachers near retirement is likely to be a popular tactic that lies just short of default.

While you're dealing with all of this understand that most opportunities come from traumatic change. Literally everyone I know who has been financially successful later in life went through turmoil. Look for opportunity, and persist.

[Ichabod Spoonbill]

Thanks everyone. I didn't mean to whine. It just kind of came out.

Bill, you've got some great points. I think my girl will be fine. She's super-sensitive but smart and has a beautiful singing voice. She's going through some rough spots which wouldn't be so rough if all this other BS wasn't happening.

I'm definitely thinking about moving into another career. It might be a gradual slide rather than an abrupt jump. My idea which I was talking to Creek about a while ago was to create a non-profit get-people-in-the-water organization. The Hudson is underused as far as watersports go. There's the legacy of the pollution and fear of the river. I'd like to start an non-profit that got people in the water: SUP, swimming lessons, kayaking, small sailboats. My town has a beautiful but underutilized waterfront. They even built a small boat launch which nobody uses but me! We have lots of kids who because of their income might never get a chance to get on the water. I was thinking that I could create a place for lessons, boat storage, club meets, summer camps, expeditions. It's a dream right now, but at least it's keeping me from going crazy.

Right now I've got to find some place where I can feel comfortable. Something's going to come up. I don't know when, but I've got to do some sort of short-term change. Bill's comment about new admin hit it on the head. That's the deal. These people loved my accomplishments until the tiniest problem happened. And problems always happen, because schools are sloppy places. Then they tried to break me, and to be honest they kinda did. I had one morning where I was crying in my wife's arms. I was a mess. I was on medication. I was rushed to a therapist because I was feeling like self harming.

Things are a little better, only because they've pretty much done their worst to me, but I'm still subject to regular humiliation. It's pretty demoralizing. SUP makes me feel better though. It's my happy space. I still paddle whenever I can, do my SUP Examiner articles, and just correspond with my SUP buddies. That's you guys. I feel better doing that.

[WhatsSUP]

Sorry to hear/read the rough patch Spoonman.  Keep your head up.....something good will definitely come of it!!

[Quickbeam]

While you're dealing with all of this understand that most opportunities come from traumatic change.

Hey Ichabod,

Really sorry to hear what you’re going through. That’s tough. Just wanted to echo what Pono Bill said. Neither my wife or I have gone through anything like you’re experiencing, but we both lost jobs at different points in our lives and came out the better for it.

I had only been married for about a year when they announced the closure of the plant where I’d been working for 19 years. It didn’t really come as a shock as we had been expecting it at some point, but still, being in a new marriage you really don’t want to be out of a job. I got another much better job, and didn’t miss a beat. Was actually a positive step forward for me. In fact, the plant closure gave me the push I needed to go and do what I had wanted to do.

My wife’s job loss came later. We were about 3 or 4 years away from retirement when her company did away with her job. We had all our retirement plans pretty well set and this threw a real curve at us. Well, once again, not only did she land on her feet, she got a better job with better pay and way less stress. It turned out to be the best thing that happened to her and it didn’t adversely affect our retirement plans. We retired in the same time frame we had planned and with the same or even a bit more money.

I know these situations aren’t the same as yours, but sometimes when you’re “mired in the muck”, you just can’t see any way out. I just wanted to let you know that sometimes there is something waiting just around the corner for you, that you couldn’t possibly have foreseen.

All the best to you.

[supthecreek]

Icky.... You are a very likeable guy with a nice vibe about you. I always enjoy my time with you. That likability will help you.

Just because the world is trying to eat you... doesn't mean you have to let them.
The only thing that matters is: what comes next? (and something will)

When my world crashed, I made every decision and took every action with only ONE thought in mind:
"What will this teach my kids?"
It's a great way to stay positive and make good decisions.

You always come out of these "down times" with a wealth of knowledge and bolstered self-esteem.

And your kids come out of it, better prepared for life, than if everything went along smoothly.

[surfafrica]

I know it's a bit cliche, but the 10/10/10 rule can sometimes help with perspective on both small and large decisions.

What will the consequence be in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years?

- Should I initiate a divorce? <--- this isn't one of mine, but the rule might help with big decisions like this.

- Should I stay late at work tonight and skip my kid's hockey game? <--- in my earlier career, the 10/10/10 rule would say work. I'm at a point now, where it almost always says go to the game.....just different circumstances now.

- Should I retire a few years early and forgo some of my pension? <--- Pension?  Not a thing in my future. I'll never face this question.  But I will have similar decisions about money vs time.

- Should I spend an extra $400 on the board I really want or go for the cheaper one that will be just OK? <--- In 10 minutes I'll stress on the money and feel a bit guilty. In 10 months, I probably won't really notice having $400 less (but might still a bit), but I might really enjoy the new board and really appreciate the experience more than if I settled for the cheaper board. In 10 years, I won't know the difference in the money at all, but might have surfed more because of the added stoke on the board I really liked (maybe I'm a better surfer now because of it).

- Should I book a ticket to go surf with the East Coast crew next year? <--- the answer is most certainly yes!  In 10 minutes, I'll have a bit of a tail-between-my-legs proposal for my wife. "Honey, I'm going to be taking off for a week next year...you OK with the kids?"  In 10 months, I'll be frothing preparing to leave.  In 10 years, I'll hopefully have memories of friends made, good waves, and my first barrel. 

[surfafrica]

- Should I book a ticket to go surf with the East Coast crew next year? <--- the answer is most certainly yes!  In 10 minutes, I'll have a bit of a tail-between-my-legs proposal for my wife. "Honey, I'm going to be taking off for a week next year...you OK with the kids?"  In 10 months, I'll be frothing preparing to leave.  In 10 years, I'll hopefully have memories of friends made, good waves, and my first barrel.

Well, I got through that first 10 minutes.  I brought this up with my wife over dinner and got the green light for Sept 2018.  Now I just need to keep my body off the injury list!

[SUPcheat]

 
[/quote]

Well, I got through that first 10 minutes.  I brought this up with my wife over dinner and got the green light for Sept 2018.  Now I just need to keep my body off the injury list!
[/quote]

Maybe she just doubled the payout on your life insurance policy.

[eastbound]

damn when the shit hits my fan, im coming here--some good advice and compassion here--nice to see

icky--you are clearly a decent, thoughtful guy---pb's likely correct that your qualities qualified you as a threat, but it seems that die is cast--so you move on--hope you can get another nys teaching job--sad is that you took pride in and enjoyed teaching (til ahole decided to eff your world)--our public school system needs committed teachers, who withstand the upstream swim it often is--so my hope is for yuou and yours--but also for students you reaqch and moptivate

kids--mine have both had serious depression at times--my steps have had anxiety, and my genius stepson has had spectrum-like tendencies which have abated, but continually has anxiety issues--point is, intelligence, love, and thoughtful parenting does bear good fruit---knock wood--all of mine are well, after plenty of trials--yours will be too

i was surprised that youd snapped at your kid recently--so not you--and that you were upset about it reinforces that it isnt you--the shit youre going through makes it totally understandable--dont let this change you, and you and yours will be just fine

decent shit happens to decent people--takes a while, sometimes--be patient--keep being you--and hold your head as high as ever

i dont pray--and wouldnt know which god to approach were i to--but youre in my thoughts--and i do believe in the power of positive thinking--which includes prayers--so youve got many here rooting for you--best luck

[SlatchJim]

Ichabod, and others at a decision point.  Don't fear the reaper. The good stuff grows in quickly.

After 12 years at a consulting job with a imbalance of state contracts to private ones, I was let go, along with a host of very qualified engineers and other scientists.  When the state decides to "not pay their invoices" because they can... you get screwed, and it's not like any of us had the power to alter that decision. 

Landed in a hazardous materials cleanup company as their only Geologist, and now, their only Vice President.  I'd have to marry into the family that owns the company to go any higher, and that's not an option  . It's way different work, with a far less educated group of employees, but they're not without traits you love and value.  It was like going from mostly office work into a company that Mike Rowe would visit.  But, just like "Dirty Jobs," there is a wisdom and calling to the business, and a feeling of accomplishment at the end of a job. The work never stops flowing. (Side Note: Demand for this type of worker is pretty high nation wide, and with a 40 hour class on Hazardous Waste Operations, you too can be deemed "qualified.")  After my first year I received easily the largest raise of my life, after going 7 years without one.

Sure results vary with this type of career change, but you'll never find out until you try.  As I told my son a while ago, the pool of drug free, reasonably intelligent, hard working, likable and dependable employees is shrinking fast.  There surely is a job out there for everyone with those qualifications. 

[SUP Leave]

Sorry to hear about your stuff ISpoonbill. My wife works as a school counselor so I hear a lot about nasty admin and nasty teachers. She also tells me a lot about the autism spectrum and the stuff that comes with it. She has told me that unequivocally the parents who put in most effort to help their kids with whatever social or mental issues they have, usually turn out great kids. I'm sure your kids will be great. As a matter of fact she firmly believes that parents who work hard on only 3 things: food-sleep-exercise (limit electronics) mitigate 90% of their kids problems. I'm not talking to Spoonbill directly on that point but in general.

The job market is moving very quickly right now. I wrote earlier in this thread that I am in the process of swallowing 2 companies. I had a meeting on Tuesday with one firm and right when we sat down another guy I have never met sat down with us and told me he wanted to buy both companies plus my survey company.

It was a set up. It was shocking. I love my little firms with the flexibility of being an owner, and putting them under another corporation is a big step. I will probably not take the deal, but my partner would love to be flushed out, so there is going to be some hard conversations coming my way these next few weeks.

That would completely upset my retirement plan, in that I wanted to sell out closer to retirement, not now.

[lucabrasi]

I'm definitely thinking about moving into another career. It might be a gradual slide rather than an abrupt jump. My idea which I was talking to Creek about a while ago was to create a non-profit get-people-in-the-water organization. The Hudson is underused as far as watersports go. There's the legacy of the pollution and fear of the river. I'd like to start an non-profit that got people in the water: SUP, swimming lessons, kayaking, small sailboats. My town has a beautiful but underutilized waterfront. They even built a small boat launch which nobody uses but me! We have lots of kids who because of their income might never get a chance to get on the water. I was thinking that I could create a place for lessons, boat storage, club meets, summer camps, expeditions. It's a dream right now, but at least it's keeping me from going crazy.

Can't really say anything better than what has been said but I will say it in a different way even tho it's way too cliche......

It's not a door closing on you, it's one opening for you.

One of the things I have been doing is buying and selling domain names. Started out pretty good which caught me off guard but as soon as I started putting real effort or promotion into it, it kind of stalled. Go figure.
Anyways......I went and checked on a couple names. Some were taken already...some not. I might have a good match for you there. Available in .com and .org.
Perhaps you can start on your idea with a website blog of some sort?
I can pass the names on to you and you can reg them if you like them. I liked them well enough I almost just went and did it. Doesn't mean you will like them or they are any good for what you want to do. Another option is I can pass the names on to you and if you like, I can reg them, point them to my hosting and let you get them/it up and running. That's pretty simple I have found out and we can transfer them to you in a short while.
I think it's better if you registered them but if you not set up to do that we can do the other.
I will pm you the names now.
Regardless, good thoughts your way and good luck to you.

[Ichabod Spoonbill]

Hey guys, I really appreciate all the good words. I hadn't meant to spew all all that stuff, but your responses made me fell better. I showed them to my wife too.