Help! My wife wants to move to Charlotte, NC.

[PDLSFR]

Lots of good and honest advice on this tread, but your decision will need to come from what you truly want, and if that is to surf everyday and be happy doing so than so be it, if it is to uproot your totally stoke lifestyle and live miserably far from what to me seems like your passion (surfing) then go for it, there will be consequences either way and nobody is going to come out the all time winner here.

You need to do some serious thinking about what's more important in life going forward (Happy Wife, Happy Family...or just Happy Self).  I'd like to tell you there's light at the end of the tunnel but sounds to me like you need to figure out what can and cannot work, because those decisions now will impact your entire family forever. 

[Weasels wake]

"Happy wife, happy life", or is it "Happy wife, tortured life"?
I like pono's idea, move to the outer banks, it's close enough, if you move too close, you may not ever get any peace and quiet.  But if you do, don't forget the hurricane insurance.  Anyway it's an extremely tough call, which requires a bunch of figuring.

[PonoBill]

Since your wife is forcing this issue it's fair to ask her to propose a compromise. See what she comes up with. Might be good. The sprinter van idea is a good one, though the prices for used ones are absurd right now because of all the conversions going on. If you already own a truck you might look at a camper. Or find a GMC motor home that suits you as it is (just joking, that's a pretty big commitment).

[Dusk Patrol]

I sympathize... It seems like the calculus here is overall quality of life. Does your wife's vision of a happy Charlotte life take into account a likely resentful husband? Not saying you would be, but I probably would be.  Breakout the decision-making spreadsheet... Maybe the Zoners can syndicate and rent your place... clubhouse?
 

[surfafrica]

Move close to fam, but downsize and then get an apartment or studio suite really really close to surf.  Your wife can spend all her time near family and you can split your time between both spots?  ....if financially doable.

(says the guy 5 hours away from a break....f-ck)

[hbsteve]

If you decide to rent your Newport place, let us know.  When we sell our current place, we will rent while looking for a new smaller, less expensive option.
I grew up in Newport and lived there for about 30 years.  I sailed and surfed for years.  I spent 10 years living within minutes of Sausalito and rowed on the San Francisco bay.
Then we moved to Montana.  Getting on the water wasn't such an option.  Mountain biking isn't the same.  But, it is similar in some ways: balance, quick reaction time, and beautiful scenery.

[JEG]

this is one of those curveball but you'll find a way 

[SUPcheat]

I have heard of people moving to chase their children and grandkids, who keep moving, only to wind up stranded someplace they don't want to be with the kids somewhere else, anyway.

How do you know those kids aren't just going to be looking for a place to work again back in Cali or someplace else?  They wouldn't tell you if they were. You'd be moving across country for a temporary jaunt, and the kids are young, you aren't.  Charlotte is inland, dude, and you'd be jonesing heavy for ocean.

My wife is from New Orleans, and wanted a few years ago to retire to Charleston.  That wouldn't be half bad, and the South has a way of growing on you with strange charm until you look at places like California as spiritual miasmas, (oceans, physical beauty and weather notwithstanding).

Our retirement pile has actually increased over 25 percent SINCE we retired and we don't have kids, so we can afford to stay in coastal Cali as a holding pattern.  My wife hasn't even suggested visiting Charleston in years.

[Weasels wake]

Get your wife a puppy.

[PonoBill]

^^Ooh. That.

SupCheat is so right on though. I know of three couples who moved to be close to their grandkids who now are close to no one. Even if they stayed put, that's one of those single-purpose life changing commitments that is so one sided and is based on a single set of lightweight assumptions that it doesn't have a chance in hell of actually working.

I'm sure there are people who think that Charlotte is just swell. But I've been there. Might as well move to Boise. Zumper (who?) ranks it 107 out of 117 best places to live with a score of C-.

I like the NC coast a lot, but Charlotte is a pit.

[digger71]

Lots of good advice around here so far!  If it was me...

Move to Wrightsville Beach, NC

3 1/2 hours drive to Charlotte
Better surf than Charleston or points South
Outer Banks and easily drivable for surf trips
Direct flights to Charlotte so you can send the wife without you *
Kids and family have a beach house they can come to in the summer

* No competition so flights are $$$.  Get American Airlines and British Airways credit cards and book with miles.  Can get 10+ one way flights with each credit card sign up.

[SUPcheat]

There's also the idea that you would be moving to a strange place without friends, and your wife's helicopter clinginess to the children's/grandchildren's household would just get worse to the point where they might want to move again to get some distance.  I have heard children tell me that they love their parents, but don't really want them around all the time.
One of my neighbors goes for three weeks to visit a child in Chicago twice a year, and he says they are pretty well sick of him after two weeks, and he is pretty well sick of the place.

Just send her there for two or three separate month vacations in a close by rental (or go with her) during nice times of the year, and let her Skype them to death otherwise.

[Dusk Patrol]

That and more possible cold reality:  the grandkids will inevitably reach 13ish and give your presence less than the priority it so richly deserves…

But odds are they WILL want to come visit you in cool Cali, two blocks from the beach…

Maybe that's it:  The best thing you can do as a grandfather is to be a role model, living your life the way you would want the kids to ultimately live theirs. 

At the very least its great conversation fodder with your wife.

[stoneaxe]

I think you should have your wife read this thread. Lots of thoughtful advice and some great ideas.

[spirit4earth]

It does seem that the most probable outcome will be that you and your wife are stranded in Charlotte.  Let the kids and grandkids move to California if they want to be closer to you.  Your wife isn't the bad guy here----this is just life----but you both are better off staying home in Cali and just visiting NC.