Help! My wife wants to move to Charlotte, NC.

[Zooport]

Face it your SCREWED.

That's what I'm thinking too.

[capobeachboy]

Door #2 brother

[Zooport]

Door #2 brother

I love my wife more than I love surfing...uh...I think. 

[headmount]

Compromise. Move to the outer banks. Driving distance to the kids. Your wife has to see that as a reasonable thing. If you keep the house and rent it you can always go back when she figures out that living close to relatives, no matter how much you love them, is not always a wonderful thing.

This is very wise advice coming from a fellow grandfather.  I'm one as well and mine are on the mainland.  Better than when they used to be in Indonesia but I've come to grips with the long distance thing.  With modern communications it's fairly easy to stay in touch from afar and like PBill says it can get complicated.  Ultimately you want to keep your own head afloat.  They might see you in an endearing way sometimes but mostly you'll be old and in the way.

And hell, you've got us to keep you cheery so you got that going for you.

[headmount]

Move closer.........does it have to be Charlotte? Closer to the ocean.
Rent for a year, keep your pad in So Cal?
Hell, you want those kids and grandkids to be able to have a place on the west coast in sunny So Cal to stay and visit.
Could have been Casper or Rapid City.

If he wants to stay in So Cal, and she wants to move to NC, then moving to Rapid City could be great compromise.  Another might be Amarillo.

Amarillo!  You're killing me.  Been cracking up since.

[OUTSIDEWAVE]

Dude  zoo I feel your pain.   My wife keeps saying we have to move somewhere where can afford to retire but considering all our kids are in so cal except 1 in flagstaff.  It ain't happening. Not the move and thanks to a crooked ex partner not the retirement either.   I think bill is right though compromise  live on the outer banks. Surf like you do.  After all surfing is a major part of who you are.  Will the job pay as well  can you afford it.  What about your family friends here your wife's friends  too.    I don't know about your family. But my wife can only take small doses of her family.  Mine. Not even that much. It just may be a situation of gee that looks nice grass is greener.  But like one person. Said. It is hot humid they have nasty deer flies that will bite you and never let go even when you are caught inside.  Bull sharks copper heads water moccasins gator anthe biggest bugs you have ever seen.

[stoneaxe]

Sorry Zoo....you are most definitely screwed. I hope your wife is amenable to the compromise idea but that distance doesn't sound like "so we can be a part of the grandkids life" to me. I have a different take than Pono...he went into the navy and never came back. I stayed local and close to family. I'm having a hard time not having my granddaughter living with us since we moved. I would not want to be a half day away.....the reality at that distance is that it won't be that often unless you feel like driving an awful lot.

Going to be very different regardless of where you move......because you are moving.......

This makes me very happy neither of my kids would move that far from the ocean.

[supthecreek]

Ahhh hell Zoo.... you've enjoyed the company of your wife for a good long time.
May be time to let her go.

You can Skype with the brood.

400 miles from decent surf? Nah. Never.

[clinto]

I would do both. Keep the house your in now and get a small second home out there with the fam. Go for a month or few weeks at a time and rent out the one you are not using at that time on air bnb. My in laws have a place up the road from us and they live in Colorado the part of the year. It's perfect. Being in the same town all the time doesn't do us much good because we are so busy. When they are here we plan things and get quality time. That way you will only take breaks from surfing and will still he able to see the grandkids for lengths at a time whenever you want.

[surf4food]

At the risk of stepping out of line I have to ask, what did your wife think when she started dating you (an avid lifelong dedicated surfer)?  Did she think this was just some faze you would one day grow out of?  I understand wanting to be close to family but does she really expect you to just gleefully pick up and move to another part of the country where you will be 3 hours away from the nearest place to surf? I know her argument will be should she accept being so far away from kids and grandkids when there’s the opportunity to be closer just so you can keep surfing every day.  Personally I think she put you in an unfair predicament and any decision you make you will not be fully happy.

[Old School 213]

Zoo,

Keep the house here (rent it) and go nomadic a few weeks/months a year. Let your wife spend as much time there as she'd like. Maybe even buy a little place there. But don't pack up and leave! You know... this could be justification for that tricked out Sprinter?! Drop her with the grand kids and roam the east coast?

How can you all win?

[Zooport]

Zoo,

Keep the house here (rent it) and go nomadic a few weeks/months a year. Let your wife spend as much time there as she'd like. Maybe even buy a little place there. Buy don't pack up and leave! You know... this could be justification for that tricked out Sprinter?! Drop her with the grand kids and roam the east coast?

How can you all win?

Adam, I knew you where a genius!  I've been thinking about just that scenario.  Buy a Sprinter, build it out myself as a surf camper, rent out our place in Newport, buy a little place in Charlotte.  Agree to move out there, but tell my wife I'll be gone at least one week per month.  I've always wanted to be a surf bum and with the income off of renting our house in Newport, I think I could afford to retire a few years early.



.

[headmount]

At the risk of stepping out of line I have to ask, what did your wife think when she started dating you (an avid lifelong dedicated surfer)?  Did she think this was just some faze you would one day grow out of?  I understand wanting to be close to family but does she really expect you to just gleefully pick up and move to another part of the country where you will be 3 hours away from the nearest place to surf? I know her argument will be should she accept being so far away from kids and grandkids when there’s the opportunity to be closer just so you can keep surfing every day.  Personally I think she put you in an unfair predicament and any decision you make you will not be fully happy.

This is always the crux of the matter and the answer is they think they can change us.  I finally found, after many attempts, one that doesn't. And for all you that think a young babe is the answer, know that they are the worst about trying to change you.   

I had just about run out the clock and was 48 when I met her.  That's pretty old to be finding someone, so I was lucky.

[Tom]

Just an addition to the keep the house and rent it. If the house is big enough, maybe you could rent it with the option of you being able to stay in the spare bedroom one week a month. My helicopter pilot friend did that when he took a job where he'd be out of town for weeks at a time but needed some place to return to.   It sure would be hard to give up a house and lifestyle you've had for that long.

[FRP]

Difficult position. If your wife is not happy you will not be happy that is almost assured. I would agree with Tom. If finances are not an issue consider commuting and splitting your time between the two homes. Horrible C02 footprint but the credits you gain from surfing help to offset this. You may find the commute so onerous that a three hour drive is preferable. Surfing is a religion but perhaps sometime we will need to set aside our religion for family harmony.

Bob