A comedy of errors

[Celeste]

So I get off work today at 3, all set for a good long paddle.  I decide to put in at a new spot, about a mile east of my usual spot, never been there before.  The launch is narrow, but there is no one there, so that is not an issue at all.  The afternoon is warm, mid 70's, partly cloudy, but thin clouds, still air, miles and miles of glass ahead of me.  Pass some fishermen about 1/2 mile out and did not see another soul for another 7 miles, Just me the herons and the bald eagle that tried to poop on me.  Paddle up to Brown's Bridge about 7.5 miles up stream and take a brake, massage my feet, and some yoga to stretch out a bit then head home.  What a wonderful afternoon, the water is higher then I have ever seen it, the forest is flooded in places and I can actually paddle in and around the trees in places.

Then the wind starts to build, great, a head wind. then the cloud cover starts to thicken, looks like that chance of rain is going to happen,  Oh well, not much I can do about it now, just keep heading for home,  2.5 miles out, dark enough that I push me sunglasses to the top of my head,  and notice the dark storm clouds off to my left, overtaking me.  2 miles out, I hear thunder to my right.  I am in the middle of the lake. Shelter in place and ride it out, or keep going.  It sounds a long way off, I elect to keep going.  A mile out there is a flash of lighting right above me.  I have been at if for almost 14 miles now, but find a second wind,  make a bee line for the shore thinking the tall trees will offer some sort of protection in the form of a better lightening rod.  The skies open up, the rain comes just hard enough to slowly wash the sweat into my eyes and burn.  I turn the last corner and see the fishermen making a mad dash for home with their electric trolling motor,  I am catching them.  but they will be there first.  I have to cross the power lines, and will be out in the open for a few hundred yards, there is a flash of light from somewhere just before I break the cover of the trees to make the crossing,  I surprise myself at how easy it is to paddle fast under these conditions.  I make the relative cover of tree cover on the other side and slow down, turn into the cove to the launch spot.  The fishermen have there truck on the ramp, but there is room on the ramp for me to land.  I gather up my unsundries and go to fetch the car.  I move it to just beside the ramp, but the truck is still in the way.  I can carry my board past, no need to wait for them.  Now, should I carry the board up the ramp past the truck under my arm and have to flip it up onto the roof, or carry it up on my head and then just have to slide it on the roof.  I decide to take the high road, flip it over head and start to walk off before I have it fully balanced, then step in algae.  My feet come out from under me and I am trying to find a way to not smash the board on the concrete ramp.  I manage to get the back of the board to hit the water almost flat, but the middle of the board hit my sunglasses, the ones I had pushed to the top of my head 2.5 miles ago , the bridge pieces hit my scalp hard, ouch.  Well a bit of pain, but nothing seems to be hurt on the board or me, so I get myself up, assure the fishermen I am ok, tuck the board under my arm and carry it to the car.  On the roof it goes and I start to strap it on, one of the men comes up the ramp to check on me.  He expresses concern and makes a gesture I don't understand.  I assure him I am fine, my pride is the most damaged, and thank him for worrying. 

Five minutes away from the launch I put my hand on top of my head, something does not feel right, I look and my hand is covered in blood.  I bet that is what he saw and what the jesture was about.  Well scalp wounds bleed a lot, that cleans them, so I just continue home.  Half way home, my left cheek feels funny, I look in the mirror, the side of my face is covered with blood.  Oh yeah, I am a zombie.  I am torn, should I try to clean up a bit in case someone sees me, or should I try attract attention and make like the zombie apocalypse.  I am home before I can decide.  I have neighbours out, they are worried, I try to refrain from grunting and trying to bite them.  I have to explain how I got hit in the head with my sunglasses.  I assure them I am for more unalive then undead. 

[Bean]

Sounds like you had a good training run; glad to hear you didn't get hit by lightning or damage your board

[supthecreek]

Geez Celeste... the least you could do was snap a Zombie SUP'r picture for our sadistic side

Heal well... hope the board didn't also take a beating.

Considering the lightning... I think you did ok.

[lucabrasi]

Those suddenly black skies popping off and blinking while way out in the open always seem to make for more excitement than you really care. 

[piece of 8]

   There 's a lot of capillaries in the head and the slightest cut  will render lots of blood. I took a direct hit from a sheet of plywood at 12 feet and thought my skull was crushed from the amount of blood. As it turns out , 3 little staples did the trick and I was back to work the next day. Nowadays, I'd be more concerned about the welfare of my board than my head. I'm glad your board was okay and the day ended well

[stoneaxe]

Glad to hear it ended well. I've gotten run off the water from lightning before. No trees just low beach and rocks. I dumped the paddle, a.k.a. lightning rod, 100 yards away and huddled under my board out of the pounding rain while lightning crashed all around. Beautiful but when the hairs stand up and the smell of ozone is in the air it's a bit spooky.

You're zombie story needs pics... . Reminds me of an incident with my daughter. She took an elbow to the top of the head during a soccer game. High heart rate+scalp wound=massive bleeding. We took her to the nearest emergency room. It was packed to overflowing with people waiting. Reception had her head down when we went to the desk and she said please fill this out and take a seat before she even looked up...when she did... "OH!.....hold on we'll take you right in" . At that point my daughters hair, face, and shirt were soaked in blood. Looked like there should have been someone named Zapruder filming it.

Just like 8, 3 little staples was all it took, my daughter wanted to see if she could get back in the game.

[NoSaltSuper]

Great story Celeste! I literally LOLd, luckily I was the only one in the corporate bathroom!

You are braver or crazier than me. I check the radar on animated loop before going out as the weather here changes quick.

Next time, take some bloody pics!
:-)

[JimK]

Take care hope you heal fast

JimK
www.extremewindsurfing.com

[SUPinSC]

Impressive--nice save of the board!  I wonder how many cars you passed saw and wondered! 

[Ichabod Spoonbill]

I enjoyed this story, as well as the Shakespeare reference.

[SlatchJim]

At the rate this tale was going, I would have sworn there were flying monkeys, a wizard, and a pair of red shoes involved!

Glad you made it home safe...er, in one, uh... well, home. 

[WingSuit]

Glad you are alive