Readers needed

[PonoBill]

Boyum isn't the only one who wrote a book. I started one about a year ago, got stuck, and then finally had an epiphany and finished the thing. Pure fiction, about a guy growing up, getting a motorcycle and eventually discovering women. It needs work, especially the beginning, which wanders a bit. But I'd like to have a few people test read it to see what their general thoughts are.

I have had a few people read it, most enjoyed it, but then they know me pretty well so they're biased. I'd like to get about ten people to give it a go. I'll send a full paper manuscript, double spaced so you can scribble your thoughts on it as you read. I'm not looking for editing, just general opinion. Places you got stuck, stuff you didn't like--that kind of thing. Here's a sample of the first few chapters:

http://www.ponostyle.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/sample%20chapters.pdf

If you can't get through that, then this isn't for you. This may never see the light of day past this kind of exposure, but it's been a fun process.

[pdxmike]

I'd love to read it. 

[covesurfer]

This is cool. I started to read it and got in about 5 pages, which I found to be pretty captivating and enjoyable to read. I'm glad Sean Kelley got his nose rearranged and I'm already anticipating the basket case and how it's going to change Monroe and Lenny's scene. Enjoying the character development too. I have a limited tolerance for reading on the computer, however. So, I could print the pdf out and then hit you up for the manuscript.

[headmount]

Silvio, Silvio Silvio

[surfinJ]

You'll hear from me, I read a lot so I should have something to say.
Thanks

[55NSup]

I read your chapters. Ive read a lot of fiction since I was in grade school in the 60's
I really liked it.
Good characterisations, social realism, adequate scene descriptions. Personally I dont like extensive and labored scene descriptions.
Not sure what the plot is or where its going. Is the biker dude/ drug dealer Silvo and Monroe going to cross paths, with dumb Lenny as the connection? Needs plot.

Sometimes the language seems out of character, to mature for the character or not in right era. Did anyone
 say " sweet" in the 60's??  except to mean like  a sweet girl?

Flow is a bit choppy. The segues need some work.

 I'll read a manuscrpit and make spontaneous comment in margins if you want. Ive never done it before.

Monroe resonated with me.   I went thru the cant see the chalkboard cause I needed glasses, get bored, read the textbooks instead, get way ahead and get more bored. get bad grades, think you are dumb,  but still learning more than others thru self study. Take test in 5 th grade ( I think its 5th,  and dont know what test is at the time) and then people treat you different,  some  get off your case, but others start making comments about" not reaching potential". Rode dirt bikes in desert since 8 years old, total motor renovated 125cc dirt bike at  14 years
Weird. Is this a common experience?

[PonoBill]

PM me with a physical address so I can send this thing. It's going to take a little while, it's a lot of paper but I think a paper version is necessary

[linter]

bill: i'm no good as an editor/reader but i think 55nsup is correct: you need somewhat more of a plot to give readers a reason beyond the great characterizations to keep turning the pages.  either that, or you've got to come up with another device that will work as well as a traditional plot.

do you subscribe to the new yorker?  if so, you must go to the archives and read george saunders' short story called Bohemians, from the Jan 19, 2004 issue.  The kids in it are the same age as your kids, with some of the same issues.  and there is no real plot.  but, man o man, there is some kind of crazy conflict in every single sentence.  not conflict as in fist fights, but conflict as in tension, the way he makes you worry about what's going to happen next.  i thought it was genius.

i had another thought but it just ran away from me.  if and when it returns, so will i, to tell you what it was ...

[PonoBill]

I stopped kind of randomly in my sample, just before the plot and it's subplots emerge. It's an odd thing that a guy who spent most of his writing career honing twenty word advertisements and three paragraph mailers takes so long to get things rolling. I've been looking at the order of things and I see some ways to fiddle, but I'm going to wait and get some varied opinion.

I'm sure an editor will rip this thing to shreds. I'd make a serious editing pass--I'm actually a better editor than writer--but I'm kind of tired of the thing. It's going to need a good editor.

[covesurfer]

Finished the sample and am intrigued. I pretty much need to read that merging of sub-plots and main plot! If you're willing, bring me a manuscript next time we paddle. I can't promise any constructive criticism but I'd sure like to read it. I edited technical reports for years but when it comes to fiction, I feel pretty ineffective as an editor.

[Tom]

Bill, I haven’t read too far into the story, but what I've read is very good and intriguing. I can easily identify with the main character, and that’s keeps a reader engaged. Since you’re asking for criticisms and not complements, here’s a problem I see. You seem to be mixing tenses, sometimes in the same paragraph you talking in the past and sometime I the here and now.  I’m not sure if this is the reminiscence of an adult about his life as a 16 year old or is this a current narration. I’m sure that will become evident as I read further, but you may want to clarify this sooner. 

[linter]

  in thinking about it again, i agree with what everybody's said  so far.  going back to the plot business, i think an editor would tell you to restructure your story and start it where the plot takes off.  all that stuff that's there now is preparation for the story to begin, right?  if so, it's back story and should be slotted into the narrative as needed, smuggled in.
  you really should read the 39 little essays Chuck Pahlaniuk (Fight Club, etc, etc) wrote for a writing class he was taking.  brilliant stuff about how to tell a story, none of it theoretical, all of it hands on and practical.

[Ichabod Spoonbill]

Stephen King's book On Writing is excellent. Pretty funny too.

[pdxmike]

Bill--all I can think of is how much leverage you have over everyone until you either abandon or publish your story, or at least get all the characters set.  

Of course if you base any characters on anyone here, people will say they're unrealistic. 

[PonoBill]

I stopped kind of randomly in my sample, just before the plot and it's subplots emerge. It's an odd thing that a guy who spent most of his writing career honing twenty word advertisements and three paragraph mailers takes so long to get things rolling. I've been looking at the order of things and I see some ways to fiddle, but I'm going to wait and get some varied opinion.

I'm sure an editor will rip this thing to shreds. I'd make a serious editing pass--I'm actually a better editor than writer--but I'm kind of tired of the thing. It's going to need a good editor.