Standup Zone Forum
General => Random => Topic started by: pdxmike on April 04, 2012, 11:37:39 AM
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Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
Joe Theismann
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“Every single one of you, before you get off the pile, affect the head. ... Touch and hit the head.”
"‘We hit [expletive] Smith [quarterback Alex Smith] right there’ – then he points under his chin [and continues] – ‘remember me.’ Then he rubs his thumb against his index and middle fingers – the cash sign – and says, ‘I got the first one. I got the first one. Go get it. Go lay that [expletive] out.’ ”
Defensive coordinator Gregg Williams of the N.O. Saints.
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"I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok."
Shaquille O'Neal
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Turned out pretty good for the Saints huh? In the immediate and longer term.
My favorite is from George Carlin. "Why do people say nice things to dead people?"
I could go on and on with quotes from George, who IMO is the greatest. Is, because his work has been immortalized by video.
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Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
Finley Peter Dunne
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When do you kick him?
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
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"I'll know when it's time for me to die, when whenever I leave a room I leave an odor"
Phyllis Diller
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When do you kick him?
You kick him when and where your coach tells you to.
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Only in Hawaii... Go into a county office and wait in line. Woman in front is being asked a prompt question since she lost her password. "What is your favorite dog?" Without a blink she says, "Barbecue"
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Headmount--that's great. Reminds me of some other answers to questions that I've seen:
Art LInkletter interviewing a little boy: You don’t look happy today. You’re not having any fun here. What’s the matter?
Boy: I don’t feel very happy because my dog died.
Art Linkletter: Oh, I know what that’s like. It’s like a brother. It’s like part of the family, but think of it this way; he’ll be waiting for you up in Heaven.
Boy: What would god want with a dead dog?
Newlywed Game host: What is your favorite part of our Newlywed Game set?
Husband #3: Wife #2
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Here's a curse from a random party guest this weekend: "may you live in interesting times."
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Favorite Filipino dish... wok the dog.
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I just bought Instagram for a Billion. Tra la lee Tra la la.
MZ
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The famous 60 minutes reporter, Mike Wallace died the other day and they had some real doozies from some of his interviews. My favorite is his interview with the top rag head from Iran. Ayatollah something. Anyway Mike says, "Well excuse me for this, these are his words not mine, but our President has called you an absolute lunatic"
This was our previous President's words but I just loved how Mike could offend without taking responsibility.
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I liked how George Bush, Sr. used to say, "I won't even mention..." and then mention exactly what he said he wasn't going to mention. He'd put a whole string of them together, "I won't even mention your 17 "no" votes last year and I won't even mention your speech on August 8th when you said...." Speaking of quotes, he had some really weird ones--his mind didn't always engage with his mouth.